Friday 1 January 2010

Deee-ohhh-reee-oohhhh-weeee-cember

‘Tis the season to be OAHWEE-OHHHHH. Now, if questionable food is reason enough to right a quick blog entry, then my yuletide feasting (read: beasting) surely equates to at least the same. Social and artistic – same shit, different decade. But first... as is customary (read: in no way customary), the end of the year brings me to my annual (read: first) review of the year. This will be MANY LISTS of awesome stuff. Here ‘tis:

Albums of the Year:

1. Mastodon – Crack the Skye

2. Blut Aus Nord – Memoria Vetusta II: Dialogue with the Stars

3. Devin Townsend – Addicted

4. Dälek – Gutter Tactics

5. Thy Catafalque – Róka Hasa Rádió

6. Nile – Those Whom the Gods Detest

7. Kylesa – Static Tensions

8. Shrinebuilder – S/T

9. Napalm Death – Time Waits for No Slave

10. Converge – Axe to Fall

Films of the Year:

1. Inglourious Basterds

2. District 9

3. Crank: High Voltage (Mike Patton OST FTW)

4. Drag Me To Hell

5. Bronson

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A nice way to start the social shit is some facebook wizardry (read: stupid application), which details what appears to be my most commented (read: most interesting) 2009 photos. Click to make a spand.

the beast, the visit, the apes, the Sadid,

the committee, the BB4LADS*, the cold, the balls,

the Shamblers, the VBD*, the Keanu, the Corp,

the Casbah, the birthday, the boyfriend, the questions.


Thanks to ol’ Jezza Hazza, I am now the proud owner of a super metal denim awesome patchy special jacket. Currently, it sports no sleeves, removed pockets, and twenty-eight beautiful patches. Sewing said patches on whilst listening to drone (Earth – Hex) and watching the snooker emptied my mind of everything, leaving only awesome.

THE CRIM/ NYE CELEBRATIONS: Christmas was standard. 1. Got me some Deathspell Oh-ma-gawd and a hilariously anti-Christian Behemoth CD which shocked my poor mother when I opened up the digipak to reveal a huge inverted Jesus being cruci-lolled. 2. Got me some bookage: Frankie Boyle’s autobiography is fantastically Boyle, as expected. 3. Got me some guitar cashage. 4. That’s it. NYE was spent with the aforementioned Harris in the wonderful (snowy) shithole that is Croydon – the Skylark if I’m being particular, the Crown if I am lying. Then we went back and drank BEERS and played Lord of the Awesomes: The Third Awesome. It was Rings-Age.

GIGS: What better gig to baptise my jacket at than the Mike Alexander memorial show: a perfect mix of wind-milling thrash, moving testaments, beer-soaking, songs about mummies, songs about aliens... and new songs. I LOVE NEW SONGS. Also frequented were the cool Choker EP launch/ underwhelming burlesque night, and the awesome Skeletonwitch/ Duckbeast / Goatwhore. Bet you can’t guess which one I just made up.

LISTENING TO: This “blasted” month has brought me a new collection of goregrind... OAHWEE-OHHHH. The winners of the month are Rotten Sound, Regurgitate, Nasum, Impetigo, General Surgery and Venomous Concept. However there has also been a HEFTY portion of dark ambient jazz a la Bohren & der Club of Gore, and some groovin’ stonery awesomeness a la Kylesa.

COMPOSED: First and foremost, a new Shandy track has been composed - The Thin Line Twixt Man and Tram: a song which questions both the existential purposes and the differences of the two land mammals. Secondly, the prospectively titled ‘BMN’ (black metal-ness) for my band with Pauly MacPaulson, which is hella chug. Thirdly, my now-playing has reignited a spark of my youth: as a wee bairn I used to dream of playing in a goregrind band, donning my blood-soaked surgeon get-up and walking on to the immortal sample of “the doctor... is in.......... SHIT!” We have also began constructing lyrics based around a tube experience, a dopey sleeping man suddenly waking up, stumbling around, and eventually allowing the tube doors to slam on his neck just as the tube was leaving. After examining the deep meanings behind what we experienced before I jumped to his rescue, we have decided to call this masterpiece “Subway to Stupid”.

Time for even more monumental DECADE LISTS. These lists represents the 50 albums and the 20 films of the decade which have affected me the most – they all possess a sense of awesomeness which has in some way shaped my persona. I have also attempted to order them, according to their importance in the scheme of things. OCD FTW.

Albums of the Decade:

1. Meshuggah – Catch Thirty-Three

2. Electric Wizard – Dopethrone

3. Deathspell Omega – Fas – Ite, Maledicti, in Ignem Aeternum

4. Blut Aus Nord – The Work Which Transforms God

5. Dälek – Absence

6. Fantômas – Suspended Animation

7. Meshuggah – Nothing

8. Primordial – The Gathering Wilderness

9. Arcturus – The Sham Mirrors

10. Devin Townsend – Terria

11. Reverend Bizarre – In the Rectory of the Bizarre Reverend

12. Fantômas– The Director’s Cut

13. Sleep – Dopesmoker

14. The Meads of Asphodel – Exhuming the Grave of Yeshua

15. Akercocke – Antichrist

16. Chrome Hoof – Pre-Emptive False Rapture

17. Meshuggah – I (EP)

18. Reverend Bizarre – So Long Suckers

19. Mastodon – Crack the Skye

20. Enslaved – Ruun

21. Deathspell Omega – Si Monumentum Requires, Circumspice

22. Blut Aus Nord – Memoria Vetusta II: Dialogue with the Stars

23. Mastodon – Leviathan

24. Strapping Young Lad – Alien

25. Gorguts – From Wisdom to Hate

26. Ulver – Blood Inside

27. Negura Bunget – Om

28. Dälek – Abandoned Language

29. Earth – Hex

30. Vader – XXV

31. Gojira – From Mars to Sirius

32. Mistress – In Disgust We Trust

33. Devin Townsend – Addicted

34. Bohren & Der Club of Gore – Black Earth

35. Scott Kelly – The Wake

36. Insect Warfare – World Extermination

37. The Meads of Asphodel – The Excommunication of Christ

38. Mithras – Worlds Beyond the Veil

39. Melvins – Hostile Ambient Takeover

40. Dälek – From Filthy Tongue of Gods and Griots

41. Exodus – Tempo of the Damned

42. The Ocean – Fluxion

43. Melvins & Lustmord – Pigs of the Roman Empire

44. Nasum – Helvete

45. Akercocke – Words that go Unspoken, Deeds that go Undone

46. The Axis of Perdition – Deleted Scenes from a Transition Hospital

47. Blind Guardian – A Night at the Opera

48. Solitude Aeturnus – Alone

49. Mayhem – Ordo ad Chao

50. Evergrey – In Inner Circle

Films of the Decade:

1. 28 Days Later

2. Mulholland Drive

3. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

4. The Dark Knight

5. Inglourious Basterds

6. Shaun of the Dead

7. Road to Perdition

8. Sexy Beast

9. Lost in Translation

10. Wall-E

11. The Prestige

12. Memento

13. Requiem for a Dream

14. There Will Be Blood

15. The Departed

16. City of God

17. [REC]

18. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

19. Minority Report

20. Cloverfield

Now, memorize them. If you cannot recite them on demand, in order, a kicking will be dealt.

Wishing you all a Happy etc. X

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GLOSSARY:

*VBD = Vegetable Bird Devil

*BB4LADS = Bad Boys 4 Life... an’ den sum

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